So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
