He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
