Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
