Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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