I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
