My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
