Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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