A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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