worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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