Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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