Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
