Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Alive.
So much puke
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
