DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
