I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize