well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize