so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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