Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
