i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
