ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
