I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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