Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
