some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
