I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
