Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
