There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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