bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
