Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize