P.S. I can't hear my feet
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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