WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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