I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
