I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
