i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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