Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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