Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
