My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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