Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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