It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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