I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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