I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
whose parrot is this?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
