her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
