Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
