Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
