Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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