One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
