he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
