32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
