theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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