I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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