Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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