i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
