my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
