I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
