It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
