You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
