This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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