He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
