Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
