he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize