if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
