There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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