I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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