Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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