dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
