shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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