I just saw a hot homeless man
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
