READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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