What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
