why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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