hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
