quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
