Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
